On Fools and Quarrels
Generally I don’t find myself getting into physical altercations with folks. As a pastor, that is generally discouraged. However, several years back I felt like I came pretty close to experiencing this kind of thing. For reasons I still don’t understand, I had a parent irate with me during one of my children’s sports activities. My Sasquatch size probably helped discourage the situation from degenerating into actual fisticuffs, but it had been a long time since I had found myself facing such intense anger. Things were reconciled and all ended well but that incident is engrained in my memory as one I do not want to repeat.
Even though there is something that feels righteous about giving full vent to our rage and letting someone have it, whether physically or verbally, Scripture discourages these kinds of responses. Rather than being an expression of our strength, this quarrelsome attitude tends to actually reveal our weakness. Proverbs 20:3 says: “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel.” As someone once said, “You don’t have to attend every fight to which you are invited." Don’t misunderstand, there are fights worth fighting, but many of the fights we see today are not worth it.
Many of these fights take place on social media. Social media has some really cool features. I am thankful for the ability to see what all my acquaintances ate for dinner last week on their vacation to Acapulco. Stuff like that is invaluable. But there is another side of it that is quite dark. Many people communicate far more brazenly behind a keyboard than would happen face to face. We’ve weaponized technology for use as a cudgel to beat others into submission. We’ve forgotten how to express disagreement with someone without declaring them to be the spawn of Satan.
Another way social media makes us susceptible to diving into strife is because we have a vehicle to express our views about everything under the sun. For the first time in human history everyone on the planet can read what we think. If everyone can read what I think, the question is what do I want them to read? I don’t want to be known as much for my commentary on the world but for my commitment to Jesus. It is actually quite freeing to realize most of the 7 billion people who live on this planet aren’t wondering what my opinion is about the latest controversy.
What can we do practically to try and put Proverbs 20:3 into practice? I am learning two helpful practices. First, talk don’t type. The best thing you can do is actually talk with people when there is a disagreement or misunderstanding. You can draw all kinds of conclusions from an email or a text message or a social media comment. A conversation gives you the real possibility of coming away with an intact relationship and perhaps a resolution to a problem. Second, care more about sharing the Gospel of Jesus than your opinion. The Gospel has the power to change someone’s life. That’s something my opinion has yet to accomplish.