How Not to Raise Boys
This summer at the beach my second-grader Andrew was playing in the sand, building some kind of sand castle masterpiece, when another boy came along and started talking with him. We'll call him James. James was a few years younger than Andrew but Andrew didn't mind. James brought along a shovel that he had and the two started digging in the sand. It was easy to keep an eye on their activities because I was sitting in a chair a few feet behind them along with the rest of my family. Nothing eventful happened so I turned to the book I was reading.
After five minutes or so had elapsed, a woman's frantic voice jolted my attention away from the book. Perturbed, I looked up at a woman rapidly approaching from down the beach who was scolding Andrew's new friend. She told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to stop digging in the sand and that it could collapse on him and she went on and on about his dangerous behavior. The woman, noticing that I was looking at her as if she had three eyes, explained that she was the boy's aunt. My confusion remained as she continued her speech to James. By this time the boy's mother also arrived and piled on poor James.
Meanwhile, Andrew attempted to tune all of this out and continued to dig in the sand. Thankfully, the women concluded they had saved the boy's life and proceeded back to their chairs down the beach where they promptly resumed ignoring the youngster. James, still standing there near Andrew clearly was just as confused as the rest of us. My confusion quickly turned to sadness in realizing how many young men today are raised like this.
The Bible gives us great wisdom for parenting in Colossians 3:21: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart." If there was ever a case of exasperating a child, I had witnessed it. There are many ways to exasperate a child, but overprotecting them will certainly accomplish this. We've even coined a term for this kind of parenting--helicopter parenting. There are many things from which our children need protection in this world. Generally speaking, sand on the beach isn't one of those things.
Here's why swopping in to save your child constantly will end up exasperating them. Boys especially need some room to explore the world around them. Adversity and adventure are good things. Risk and danger aren't to be avoided at all costs. In the proper context these things forge character in young men. To protect a young man from every possible obstacle is to rob him of the strength that comes from overcoming and persevering and the humility that comes from learning from his mistakes and poor decisions. These are some of the experiences that help shape boys into godly men if we allow our children to experience them.
Don't deny your sons the opportunity to experience some hardship. Don't protect your child from things they don't need protection from. How many parents will protect their child from any perceived obstacle in the outside world, only to hand them a phone or a tablet and leave them to amuse themselves for hours on end? That'd be a good place to get protective!
Parenting is certainly one of the most difficult things anyone will ever do in life. I don't point these things out to discourage you but to give you a vision for who you want your children to be and the difference we can make in the next generation if we focus on training our children not simply protecting them.